I Lost My Penis When I Entered Canada 

With my journey to Alaska from Colorado, I inevitably had to pass through the Canadian border.  Not having the best driving record to begin with, paired with COVID restrictions, I was already nervous and unsure if I would even get through. 

Upon presenting my documents and declaration at the initial station, I was then instructed to enter a garage, where my vehicle and belongings would be searched.  I was told this was "protocol" for American drivers, however through the course of being there for hours on end, I never once saw another vehicle inspected.

After entering the garage, I was then instructed to exit the vehicle with my 2 dogs and wait in the neighboring "lobby" of sorts.  I watched as the immigration officer proceeded to pull out all my belongings, knowing how incredibly jam-packed it was to begin with and that it was highly unlikely he would put anything back the way he found it. 

Nervous of what he could find I was also trying to remain as calm as possible, knowing that I took precautionary measures to not travel with any contraband or questionable items.  Upon searching many backpacks, suitcases and my personal lock box of sentimental and important items, he came and requested I come see what he found. 

My heart sank, as I knew there was clearly something I was in trouble for.  He proceeded to show me a pipe that he found in my personal box, and it just so happened to be shaped like a penis. 

Although this added an additional level of humor, it also added an element of embarrassment, fear and stress.  I figured at that point I was going to be turned away and sent home.  Although marijuana is legal in many states and even Canada, it is illegal to cross any borders with it. 

I plead my case, explaining to him that I honestly had no idea it was in there.  It was something that was gifted to me by a friend after a trip to Mexico and after it had gotten clogged, I had stashed it away not remembering it was even in there. 

He told me he would have to confiscate it, but it sounded hopeful that I would be granted entry.  It was definitely a bummer that I would be losing something that did actually hold sentimental value, but I knew it could have been way worse. 

And so, it turns out that was the day I lost my penis (pipe) when I entered Canada. 

Moral of the story:  Always verify before assuming!  Had I done a more thorough check of my lock box, I would have found and removed this item pre-trip, thus preventing a very stressful experience. 

Then again, I wouldn't have this story...